Good Interpersonal Relationships: Action Required
by Laurie Wilhelm
I met someone, let’s call her Helen, about a year ago who made me sit down and really think about interpersonal relationships. Although my experience with her was rather negative, I learned many lessons from watching her behaviour and interacting with her. This is one of the lessons that Helen taught me:
I have to be honest. Helen wasn’t a kind person. However, she wasn’t unkind either. While she wasn’t generous, she wasn’t greedy either. While she wasn’t particularly considerate, she had a basic understanding of courtesies. What Helen really was, in my opinion, was indifferent. Uninterested. Apathetic. She didn’t contribute positively or negatively to a relationship. She was just “there.”
Having Good Social Skills Makes You More than “There” -
You’re Actively Here
I’m sure you’re all familiar with the expression that goes something like, “Saying nothing is saying something.” While you don’t say anything negative, you don’t say anything positive either. In the case of Helen, by not doing anything negative didn’t mean she was doing anything positive – just because she wasn’t nasty didn’t mean she was nice.
As a consequence, she had very few friends and I doubt she had any close friends. The saddest part of this story was that she wanted friends but she didn’t (and in some cases refused to) ‘connect’ with others.
The Lesson of Poor Interpersonal Skills
Her actions, or lack thereof, showed that if you want to be liked, you have do something to be likeable. Sounds obvious, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, it wasn’t to her.
Being liked and having friends is all in the action. Do something kind, generous, considerate or caring. Acknowledge, pay attention, listen or just say hello and give a compliment is a start. Doing nothing doesn’t make you unlikable, but it doesn’t make you liked either. Do something likeable and you’re likely to be liked.
This is, of course, another way of saying, “If you have good social skills, you’ll be liked.”
