An Important Interpersonal Skill
“So much attention is paid to the aggressive sins, such as violence and cruelty and greed with all their tragic effects, that too little attention is paid to the passive sins, such as apathy and laziness, which in the long run can have a more devastating effect.”
~~ Eleanor Roosevelt
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a kind person. What kind of thoughts do we need to have? What actions do we have to take? Which words do we have to say?
A few years ago, I met someone and got myself into a situation where I had to interact with her for hours a day, everyday for four months. At first, I thought we’d get along just fine and overall, we did. She wasn’t demanding or difficult. Nor was she nasty, unfeeling or cruel. On the other hand, she wasn’t thoughtful, attentive, considerate and she showed little to no appreciation when someone did something for her.
She wasn’t an offensive person, so there was no reason to dislike her. But she wasn’t a kind person either, so there was no reason to like her.
It made me realize that just because one isn’t offensive, it doesn’t make them kind. It makes them not-kind.
The more I think about it, the more I believe that being not-kind is just as negative as being offensive. Maybe it’s worse. It’s apathetic.
Kindness is active. Kindness has to be done.
We have to commit to being kind. In our thoughts, words, and actions. We have to get out of ourselves and give thought and consideration to everyone around us. On a daily basis that often means showing kindness in many small but important ways. Showing attention, care, and consideration as we go about our regular, everyday activities. We have to do kindness.
The side effects of kindness are better relationships and more friends and an overall feeling of contentment and happiness. Sounds like win-win all around.
The four-months I spent with this person taught me some valuable life lessons:
- If you want to be liked, give someone a reason to like you. Be nice.
- If someone does something for you, show that you’re grateful. Say thank you.
- Don’t take your friends for granted. Show that you care about them and appreciate your friendships. Say nice things.
- If you want to have friends, be a friend first.
- BE kind.
For me, lesson #5 is the most important. Be kind. It’s simple and direct. When that one’s done, the rest just falls into place.
