An Important Interpersonal Skill
“So much attention is paid to the aggressive sins, such as violence and cruelty and greed with all their tragic effects, that too little attention is paid to the passive sins, such as apathy and laziness, which in the long run can have a more devastating effect.”
~~ Eleanor Roosevelt
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a kind person. What kind of thoughts do we need to have? What actions do we have to take? Which words do we have to say?
A few years ago, I met someone and got myself into a situation where I had to interact with her for hours a day, everyday for four months. At first, I thought we’d get along just fine and overall, we did. She wasn’t demanding or difficult. Nor was she nasty, unfeeling or cruel. On the other hand, she wasn’t thoughtful, attentive, considerate and she showed little to no appreciation when someone did something for her.
She wasn’t an offensive person, so there was no reason to dislike her. But she wasn’t a kind person either, so there was no reason to like her.
It made me realize that just because one isn’t offensive, it doesn’t make them kind. It makes them not-kind.
The more I think about it, the more I believe that being not-kind is just as negative as being offensive. Maybe it’s worse. It’s apathetic.
Kindness is active. Kindness has to be done.
We have to commit to being kind. In our thoughts, words, and actions. We have to get out of ourselves and give thought and consideration to everyone around us. On a daily basis that often means showing kindness in many small but important ways. Showing attention, care, and consideration as we go about our regular, everyday activities. We have to do kindness.
The side effects of kindness are better relationships and more friends and an overall feeling of contentment and happiness. Sounds like win-win all around.
The four-months I spent with this person taught me some valuable life lessons:
- If you want to be liked, give someone a reason to like you. Be nice.
- If someone does something for you, show that you’re grateful. Say thank you.
- Don’t take your friends for granted. Show that you care about them and appreciate your friendships. Say nice things.
- If you want to have friends, be a friend first.
- BE kind.
For me, lesson #5 is the most important. Be kind. It’s simple and direct. When that one’s done, the rest just falls into place.
Great advice!
I really like your 5 lessons. With kindness, the giver gets more long-term happiness than the receiver.
Laurie: Thanks for stopping by again, Roger. I appreciate your taking the time to visit.
Your right being kind is simple and direct….It is so easy to do! We all should practice as much as possible.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Laurie: Would that be great? What a different place our world would be. Good to “see” you here; thanks!
I like your observation that kindness is about being actively kind.
Laurie: Thanks for coming by, Vered. I’m glad you did.
Thanks for this post. I particularly liked “be” kind, which I took to mean actually caring about the other person. I get the sense that the best way to do this is to clear away the fears of others and of the world that have us see the world as hostile or unworthy of our gifts. And from that place you don’t have to use any techniques to convince anyone else you’re a good person.
Laurie: “Clear away the fears” – I like that…there’s a sense of strength in it. Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Chris. Thanks too for stopping by.
Thanks for the 5 lessons. In an environment that has become so competitive and self-focused, it’s great to hear that there are still people out there that value friendship and the power of giving.
Laurie: Yes, our competitive and self-focused environment…friendships have certainly become more important these days. Thanks for visiting, Terry; I appreciate it.