…and another thing about smiling…
by Laurie Wilhelm
Last week, I wrote a people skills post called Why Smile? I have a couple other points I’d like to add:
First, when I write about smiling, I don’t mean smile with some great big toothy show-off-your-expensive-dental-work, eye-popping grin so you look like a goof and makes people think you’re nuts. I mean to turn up the corners of your mouth, unwrinkle your eyebrows and don’t squint. Look approachable – or “look pleasant” as my mother used to say.
Second, just because you smile doesn’t mean that the other person has to smile back. If they don’t smile, it’s no biggie and it’s not a personal insult. No one’s obliged to smile back and we’re not looking for a 100% response rate. It’s not a deal like “I’ll smile at you if you smile at me.” Sometimes people are in their personal space, thinking about their day, absorbed in their own thoughts or simply don’t want to smile. Smiling makes us look friendly and you’ll still look friendly even if the other person doesn’t.
Third, use your common sense and good social skills and smile when it’s appropriate. For example, if you’re squished in a bus like sardines in a tin and everyone is uncomfortable then it may not be the most appropriate time to making eye contact with someone whose eyes are 20cm from your own and smile. It’s too “in their face,” so to speak. But if the bus isn’t that full and everyone has a comfortable amount of space, then smiling is probably more welcomed.
Basically, if you want to appear friendly and approachable, smile. If you want to encourage people to want to be around you, be your friend, or just acknowledge that you’re in the room, you’ve got to do something about it. Smiling is a good start. However, if you don’t want to appear that way, don’t smile. You may end up being invisible but if that’s what you want, go right ahead. It’s completely up to you.
second photo©iStockphoto.com/Danish Khan
