Body Language Communicates
by Laurie Wilhelm
Last week, I was walking through a mall and passed a table where some volunteers were raising money for charity. As one mother and her young son passed by the table, the boy spotted some toy cars that were part of the display. Naturally, he shook loose from his mother’s grip and zoomed over to the table to have a hands-on look.
One of the volunteers began chatting with the little boy and then asked him to get his mom to donate some money. As she said, this I watched the reaction of the mother who was standing behind the volunteers as she waited for her son to come back. She threw her head back, rolled her eyes and did one of those full-body contortions of complete exasperation. It would have been a great comedic moment had I not felt badly for her.
The volunteers didn’t see her reaction and she collected herself beautifully, walked calmly up to the table, smiled sweetly, took her son’s hand and yanked him away from the table. Classic.
There’s a lot to be said about body language. While it’s not often that we encounter such an overt example, there are some not-so-subtle clues that we can pick up on to better understand and communicate with those around us. We just need to be aware of what someone is trying to tell us by using their body, which is frequently done in unconscious ways, rather than by their words.
When we witness these displays of body language and we usually remark something like, “She looked nervous.” “He seemed really happy.” or “Martha looked really angry when Roland took credit for the work they did as a team but she didn’t say anything to correct him.”
In such cases, take advantage of body language communication and use this information to relate and interact better:
- If you’re in a situation and you can tell by someone’s actions that he’s getting upset, frustrated, or flustered, change your approach. The more upset he gets, the less likely there will be a pleasant and co-operative outcome.
- If you encounter a friend who is in a good mood, smiling and walking confidently, mirror that body language and join in the happy feeling, especially if you’re feeling the exact opposite. Instead of pulling him down, let him bring you up.
- When you see someone at a social event looking uncomfortable and uneasy, take a moment to go over and say hello and do what you can to make them feel more relaxed.
- When your spouse comes home from work feeling agitated or uptight and she throws her briefcase on the floor, flings her shoes off in the dining room, and flops down on the couch, don’t launch into a rant about how your day was worse or pick on her for not having started or finished some chore that she intended to do.
- When you’re raising money for charity at the mall, don’t get someone’s kid to get his parent’s money for you. Talk to the parent yourself. … OK, that didn’t have anything to do with body language; it was just something that bugged me.
Take time to see and understand what other people are saying with their body instead of relying heavily on their words. Use these clues and change your communication accordingly so whatever interaction you have with them is as positive as you can make it.
Laurie,
Great advice!
I was most surprised by…
“If you encounter a friend who is in a good mood, smiling and walking confidently, mirror that body language and join in the happy feeling, especially if you’re feeling the exact opposite. Instead of pulling him down, let him bring you up.”
This is a great idea!
Laurie: Thanks for visiting, Roger!
This post confirms what a lot of us know but don’t know: there is so much more “listening” that happens in our interaction with others than just hearing the words being said. Last week you talked about tone of voice. Today, we are “listening” to what the body in front of us is saying. Really, it’s all about being attentive, isn’t it?
Laurie: I think you’re absolutely right – it is all about being attentive. It makes me wonder why, as a society, we’re generally not as attentive as we could be.
Thanks for coming by and making that point.
Body language is SO important. Wonderful post!
Laurie: Glad you agree!
I tend to react more to non-verbal communication than to what is being said. The non-verbal part usually comes from the subconscious mind. It conveys the communicator’s hidden emotions and thoughts. However, it is always a good idea to clarify on the intent of the communicator. Sometimes, he or she is not fully conscious that the words and the emotions are not congruent.
Laurie: That’s true. I remember a meeting I went to a couple months ago and, apparently, some people around the table thought I looked upset/angry/annoyed when all the while I was concentrating and trying to understand the speaker. I had no idea how I appeared to others because I was focusing on the discussion. I’m glad someone mentioned my expression to me so I can pay more attention to it. Thanks for visiting, Evelyn.
I had a friend point out to me that before I talked about a certain person in my life, I’d let out a big sigh. I had no idea I was doing it, but it was indicative of how I felt about them!
Laurie: Interesting! It’s surprising the things we do and don’t notice while others are picking up on them. Thanks for visiting, Megan.