Criticism and Feedback Aren’t the Same
by Laurie Wilhelm
Last week, I posted Do We Have to Say What’s On Our Minds? where I wrote what I do when I feel a criticism coming on.
Sometimes, we mistakenly call criticism ‘feedback,’ but when we state only our observations based on personal judgments, or our opinions, or a list of what’s wrong, it’s not feedback – it’s that criticism thing coming out.
Giving feedback is very different from criticizing. While I’ve written about this previously, I think it’s an important part of our interpersonal relationships and interactions so I think it’s worth restating.
Most often, the purpose of feedback is to provide useful and beneficial information that assists someone in making improvements. It’s got to be useful, it has to be actionable, and it needs to be stated clearly. If used effectively, it can help to find a solution to a situation (or project, etc.) that’s not working as well as it could or a better way to do something. Feedback can also be used to reinforce someone’s positive actions and behaviours to make sure they know it’s going well and to continue doing it.
When we look at feedback as information with the goal of improvement, it’s not about glossing over issues or making them not seem as serious as they might really be. It’s about facing them respectfully and honestly while offering suggestions for improvement.
Whenever offering feedback, it’s important to remember that you’ll probably have an ongoing relationship with this person so watch what you say and how you’re saying it. Use this as an opportunity to reinforce respect, support and encouragement.
Let’s assume that you’ve been asked for your feedback or you’re in a situation where your feedback is expected (ie. you’re the boss). Here a few tips that I use to provide the best feedback that I can.
1. Timing.
Make sure the time is right. The sooner after the situation the better, but if you’re upset about it – or the other person is – take a “time-out.” This is preferable than giving or receiving feedback when one of you is already in a bad mood. Don’t compromise the effectiveness of your feedback with efficiency of delivery.
2. Choose your words.
The way you say something can have a great impact on the receiver. Depending on your choice of words, you can establish an amicable feedback environment or a hostile one.
Saying, “You need to do…” or “You’re not doing this properly,” can put the other person on the defensive from the get-go. Using the pronoun “you” makes the comments personal and can be interpreted as condescending or highly critical.
Instead, say “I noticed that…” or “I understand that…” Beginning feedback phrases this way discusses the action or behaviour that needs to be changed, not the person.
3. Start with the positive.
Feedback also acknowledges good contributions and work well done. Give specific examples of what was done well. Doing so is more meaningful than a general “Good job!” comment that can be said to anyone, any time, and doesn’t even have to be sincere.
Let them know the positive impact their contribution had on the department or organization so they understand the results – this also lets them know that you see it and appreciate it. Reinforcing the positive encourages more of the same.
4. Be descriptive and talk about the facts.
Discuss what happened, not how you feel about what happened. Focus on the situation, describe it, and stay objective. Give a reason why it’s an issue and state the impact it had on the rest of the staff, the organization, or the customer.
When you stick with the facts, you can discuss them more easily. Being specific and clear assists the receiver understands what you’re identifying as an issue and what in particular requires changes.
5. Collaborate to come up with ideas for improvement.
It’s not up to you to come up with all the solutions by yourself – although you can offer suggestions that you think would be helpful. Involving the other person in this crucial part of the feedback process. This way, she has some ownership and involvement in decision-making and this will likely result in a greater commitment to see that it’s implemented. Working together to find better ways of improving the situation creates a solution that is acceptable to both of you.
Good feedback respectfully identifies areas for improvement, it’s not a list of insults or criticisms. When it’s delivered with the good intention of making helpful suggestions and creating better situations rather than judging, it is positive input with beneficial results.
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Good advice! I think the hardest part is #2. You have to have an attitude of helping the person improve rather than anger.
Laurie: I think #2 is the hardest also. Often the reason we even give feedback is based on something that has gone wrong and needs improvement so it’s hard to step back and look for what’s good in the situation. Thanks for stopping by, Roger.
Great post!! Feedback is neutral. It is not about judgement but observation and suggestions on how to do things better. If we can note the distinction, we will be able to choose our words differently and view things in a more positive perspective.
When we provide feedback, the energy of how we present it is important. Are we coming across as pushy, criticizing, judging? Also, sometimes fewer words may create a bigger impact than coming across with a long list of what-to-do.
Laurie: Thanks for the great input, Evelyn. Feedback IS neutral and it’s helpful to remember that so the outcome is the best we can make it. Thanks for visiting.
Laurie,
Thank you for this wise, wonderful and inspiring post. I especially appreciated:
1) your characterization of feedback as “information with the goal of improvement;”
2) encouraging feedback to be honest, respectful, and supportive;
3) your reminder to safe guard the relationship; and
4) the emphasis on collaboration on ideas for improvement.
I believe that these same principles should be applied at home, particularly with regard to child-rearing.
Laurie: Thank you for your lovely comment, Acooba. Not being a parent, I didn’t think about these in regard to children (to spouses, yes!); your point is good. Thanks for visiting; I appreciate it.
laurie, reading this my first thought was while this has obvious implications for work, this also offers parents something to think about. Do we criticize or provide feedback for our kids? Criticism has the power to do damage if not handled well, whereas feedback that is calm and delivered with empathy and with a helpful mindset offers guidance and opportunity for growth. I would suggest that for teens this is especially important since it’s hard for a know-it-all teenager to handle being wrong or feeling put down
Kelly
Laurie: Well said, Kelly. Since I don’t have children, I didn’t think about applying a feedback approach to them. I see now from you, and Acooba, that there would be room for this at home. “Delivered with empathy” to “offer guidance” – I like how you worded that. Thanks for taking the time to come by and visit.
Great tips on how to give feedback. My favorite is what you said about: ” Having ideas for improvement.” That is what make the different between Criticism Vs Feedback. My feeling is that a not so positive comment with meaningful suggestions are Feedback. A not so positive comment with no value to offer is more like a criticism.
Thank you,
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Laurie: That’s a good way to look at it. It’s all in what we do after we state the not so positive. Thanks for your observation.
I have to remember to start with the positive. Its too easy to point out what is wrong, we forget to mentions what’s right. Great post!
Laurie: Exactly. Sometimes our attention is so focused on what’s wrong that we end up missing the good stuff. Thanks for stopping by, Carla; I’m glad you did.