Social Skills Q & A: How to Remember Names

©iStockphoto.com/Rod MacPherson

Q: I find it really hard to remember names. When I’m introduced to someone, I hear their name and sometimes repeat it back like I’ve been taught, but two minutes later, I’ve already forgotten it or remember only part of it. Was it Julie, Julia, or Juliana? Then I feel badly asking their name again. Do you have any tips on remembering names?

A: Many politicians have a remarkable ability to remember names. Good business owners do also. Is this because they have better memories than the rest of us? Not likely. They know that remembering names positively impacts their relationships with voters or customers so they’ve trained themselves to remember.

It’s common to forget names and it happens for a variety of reasons such as:

• you’re nervous when meeting others
• your attention is divided because of various external distractions
• you’re thinking about what you’re going to say next
• you’re not paying attention
• you’re not listening
• you don’t care (ie. saying to yourself “I won’t see this person again so why bother?”)

Names can go in one ear and out the other in less than a minute and if you want to remember them, you’ve got to make a little effort.

If you forget someone’s name within a couple minutes, perhaps you need to mentally review the name several times every five, ten, or fifteen seconds after hearing it. Chances are better that names will stick in your mind if you repeat them a few times during the first minute than waiting to recall them later.

Here’s a step-by-step plan for remembering names:

1. Pay attention and focus when someone is saying her name or introducing you to someone else. (Note: You already know you have difficulty with names, so you should be aware that you need to pay extra attention on this initial step.)
2. If you didn’t hear her name or are unsure of what was said, ask her to repeat it. If it’s unusual, ask for the spelling.
3. Repeat the name out loud. Say something like, “It’s nice to meet you, Michelle.”
4. Try associating names of new acquaintances with famous names, like Marilyn Monroe, Tom Thumb, Queen Victoria or Roger Rabbit.
5. Visualize the spelling of the name while you’re looking at the person.
6. Repeat the name silently in your head every few seconds at first, then every few minutes until you’re sure you’ve got it.
7. Say the name two or three times in the conversation.
8. Within the next day or so, do a mental review of the new people you’ve met and recall their names.

Remembering names is a key social skill that adds a valuable “personal touch.” It’s also an essential first step when you’re building a relationship with someone - it would be a bit weird to have a relationship with someone whose name you can’t remember. Make the effort to pay attention and focus, listen to the introduction, and repeat the name mentally every few seconds. Do this and you’ll be amazed at how easy it is to remember names.