Comments on: Don’t Take It Personally

By: Meg

Meg — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 02:43:39 +0000

Wow, powerful stuff here! I’ve had a few such comments directed towards me lately, and I’ve decided to just remove myself from the situation for a bit. (Lucky for me, I can do so easily in this case.) This is nice because it lets me know that I wasn’t ever wrong for expressing my opinion in the first place, it was simply someone else reacting to what I said in a perceived negative way, when my comments were never intended as such.

Unfortunately, the fact that I still get upset when it happens doesn’t help. I definitely need to learn how to let it roll off my back and not take it to heart.

Laurie: It’s hard not to take it to heart when you’re misunderstood. I have to remind myself from time to time to just let it go and accept they have their own reasons for their reactions.

Thanks for your comment, Meg. I appreciate your stopping by!

By: diane

diane — Fri, 29 May 2009 15:22:06 +0000

I never let what other people say bother me. I’m very secure in who I am, and it took me a long time to get here.

When I was raising my children, I learned to never raise my voice to them unless it was an emergency (like running into the street). That way, they would listen to me right away. People saying negative things are a lot like that. If you take to heart every thing that is said to you, it’s a waste of your time & emotions, and you won’t recognize an “emergency call” if you get one.

Laurie: Good point – it IS a waste of time and emotions. Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment.

By: Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching

Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching — Tue, 26 May 2009 00:22:35 +0000

Thanks for this post. In my experience, when someone says something to me that feels critical or hurtful, that’s actually because they’ve helped me see a place where I don’t fully accept myself. For example, if someone says “you made a mistake,” and I feel an urge to respond angrily or apologetically, I’m probably feeling that way because on some level I believe that “I can never make a mistake, or I’m unworthy or useless.” So naturally I feel compelled to defend myself. But if I recognize that making a mistake, as 99.9% of people do from time to time, doesn’t render me worthless, I’m not going to feel so freaked out over criticism like that.

Laurie: Good point. I used to get upset when I felt I was being treated/judged unfairly or really misunderstood and no effort was made to understand me better.

Thanks for leaving such a good comment.

By: ann elise

ann elise — Fri, 22 May 2009 19:11:49 +0000

Laurie,

People do project, don’t they? Hmmm… bet I do too.

But we are not Pavlov’s dogs. Between the stimulus (the comments and gestures we take personally) and the response (taking it personally; getting hurt, upset, angry, etc.) – is our ability to choose our response.

Laurie: “Choose our response” – that’s key in so many areas of our lives! Thanks for coming by, Ann Elise

By: Stephen - Rat Race Trap

Stephen - Rat Race Trap — Fri, 22 May 2009 09:45:55 +0000

Laurie, this was great! I’m probably too far in the other direction – I tend to be oblivious to feedback that, while maybe not done in the right way, may be nonetheless valuable information that says something about me. It’s a balancing act between being blind to your impact on others and letting the thoughts of others control you.

Laurie: I agree with you that there can be value in feedback and it’s a great way to learn about ourselves. But when it’s just judgmental opinions based on someone else’s biases, that’s when I have to remember their comment is about them. Of course, at that point it’s not really feedback either, only a criticism… It is, as you say, a balancing act and knowing when it’s good feedback or someone’s bad day.

Thanks for coming by Stephen!

By: Joanna Jenkins

Joanna Jenkins — Fri, 22 May 2009 02:34:23 +0000

Very well said! It’s hard to apply sometimes, but you’re right, offensive comments are usually always about the other person…. Now if I can just remember that “in the moment”. This is my first visit. Great blog!

Laurie: Trying to remember is the hardest part for me.

Thanks for visiting my blog, Joanna – I’m glad to “see” you here!

By: Roger - A Content Life

Roger - A Content Life — Thu, 21 May 2009 19:12:45 +0000

Laurie,

This makes sense to me!

I also try to feel some empathy for the random person that is rude, unkind, and so on. Maybe he just heard some really bad news. Or maybe he is really worried about something. I’ll never know.

Laurie: Empathy is a good emotion to have. It really allows you to cut some slack for the other person. Thanks for visiting, Roger.

By: Positively Present

Positively Present — Thu, 21 May 2009 13:56:51 +0000

Really great stuff here. It’s so, SO hard not to take almost everything personally, but, in reality, usually whatever someone else says/does/etc. is about him or her, NOT about you. It’s hard to remember this sometimes, but it’s really important!

Laurie: It is hard to remember and sometimes I completely forget for a few hours then it hits me, “heyyy, wait a minute…it’s not me…”