Interpersonal Skills: Get to Know Yourself
by Laurie Wilhelm
When you’re out mixing and mingling, it’s pretty likely that someone along the way will ask you questions about yourself. They’ll ask the standard, arms-length ones like “What do you do for a living?” “What are your hobbies?” “Do you have kids?” “Where were you born?” You know the general questions I mean. They’re the same ones you’d ask someone else.
Be ready to answer them. And not just with one-word answers either. Give the asker some substantial responses that contribute to the conversation.
I remember one occasion when I was out with a friend and met up with an acquaintance, Hal, who joined us at our table. My friend, being the polite and thoughtful person that she is, tried to start a conversation with him by asking questions about himself. It went something like this:
“What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a researcher.”
“What do you research?”
“Whatever my clients need.”
“And in what industries are your clients?”
“Real estate. Travel.”
“Are your real estate clients local or do they serve other areas?”
“Both.”
“What other areas do they serve?”
“The surrounding area. Some recreation places a bit north of here.”
“I hear the market here is pretty hot. They must be doing good business.”
Nod.
“What places do your travel clients require research on?”
“South America. Hot climates. Caribbean.”
“Those are some great locations. Have you ever been there?”
“No.”
Ahhhhhhhhh! It was like watching a verbal ping-pong match but this game was only the serve and a return – because the return constantly hit the ball off the table. It was good versus poor interpersonal skills, and the poor skills were thrashing the good.
At this point, I stepped in and started talking a bit about a trip to Mexico and worked the conversation back to my friend, her trip to Greece, and funny things that can go wrong when traveling. We both tried to bring Hal into the conversation a couple times by – yes – asking questions, but we ended up in the same torturous back-and-forth Q&A that we started with.
Hal wouldn’t answer questions in any conversational way nor would he ask any. Every time he was encouraged to participate in the conversation, he slowly killed it one painful answer at a time. He could have easily turned his responses into some great conversation or offered tid-bits of information he learned from his research. But no, he didn’t.
He really needed some work on his conversation skills and overall social skills.
How Not to be Like Hal
Before you head out to a social event, think about how you’d respond to the questions you’d ask. Go through them on your own and answer them out loud…no matter how stupid you may feel doing it. It’ll give you an idea of where you stumble over your words and how other people hear you. It’s not necessary to create a canned responses, but figure out what to say so you’re not searching for words.
Also, when you’re responding to the questions ask, “If I was listening to these answers, would they interest me or would they bore me?” If they bore you, I guarantee they’ll bore others. Put some creativity into your responses. That doesn’t mean to say you’re an astronaut when you’re an accountant. But you can make add a little humour like, “I can balance the books better than a supermodel can balance one on her head.” Well, try to think of something better…I’m just trying to illustrate a point…albeit badly…
Finally, keep in mind that just because you’re talking doesn’t mean you’re interesting. Know what’s of interest to your listener and converse about that – then you’ll be interesting. A relentless talker who can’t turn off his blathering will turn off his listener. Check out this previous post, You’re Boring.
Practice Communication Skills Beforehand.
Know what to say about yourself so you’re ready when you’re asked. Generally, and fortunately, you only need think of your responses every now and again and not every time you go out. Most likely, your work situation will change every few years not weekly, your interests will vary over time but not daily, the number of kids you have doesn’t change monthly, and you’ll always have been born in the same city. You just restate the same answers in different situations.
photo©iStockphoto.com/ranplett
