Interpersonal Skills: Here to Listen
by Laurie Wilhelm
The other day, my friend was told some bad news. Really bad news.
She wanted to talk to her friends about it. When she did, they listened to the story and commiserated by telling her theirs.
But by sharing their stories, she didn’t get to talk about how she felt. She didn’t get to say that she’s scared. She didn’t get to cry.
By the time she told me what had happened and how distressed she was, she was feeling even worse because she had to take on the painful past stories of other people while she was trying to deal with her own.
Please, please, please – if someone comes to you needing to talk – listen. Just listen.
It may be uncomfortable for you to just say “I’m sorry” or “I understand.” You want to console her. But sometimes the best way to console someone is to just let her feel what she needs to feel and say what she needs to say.
You don’t have to empathize by telling her your story – she has probably already heard yours before and has come to tell you because she knows you’ll understand.
Don’t try match her story with one you’ve heard from someone else.
Don’t up the ante by telling her one that’s worse.
Just listen.
Be there for her.
Let her express herself.
She needs your attention.
She needs you to listen.
She needs a space with you that’s calm, loving and safe.
And sometimes, she needs a hug.
That’s all.
photo©iStockphoto.com/realitybytes
