Interpersonal Skills: It’s Better to Give than to Receive
by Laurie Wilhelm
Really?
Is it better to give than to receive?
Aren’t they equally important? After all, no one can give something if there’s no one to receive it and no one can receive something that isn’t given. So aren’t they opposite sides of the same coin? You can’t have one without the other.
I think the statement should be rewritten to something like, “It’s just as important to receive graciously as it is to give generously.” Unfortunately, my version doesn’t sound quite as proverbial and won’t fit onto one of those tiny bits of paper we break out of fortune cookies.
When I think about the original phrase, perhaps receiving has negative connotations because there are times when an offering isn’t ‘received’ but is ‘taken.’
By ‘taken’ I don’t mean something stolen in the middle of the night under the cover of darkness or acquired without going through the appropriate channels and requesting permission. I mean that the receiver neglects to show appreciation and gratitude for whatever it is he’s being given. Like treating a kind word, thoughtful gesture, compliment or favour as if they are unimportant or insignificant. Taking, without acknowledging the giver, may well be because the receiver being self-absorbed, maybe even selfish or egoistic – whether he realizes it or not. Even so, just ‘taking’ what the giver is offering can make her feel unappreciated, unimportant or invisible.
The gracious receiver accepts with appreciation and gratitude. He understands and recognizes that an effort was made, regardless of how large or small, and that the giver has actively done something to make his life better. Through his expression of thanks, praise, or appreciation, the receiver reciprocates the original gesture and now he’s the giver who continues the good feeling of generosity.
Receiving graciously reinforces lots of good qualities in interpersonal relationships by making the giver feel good about herself and lets her know that her efforts were appreciated. To pay attention to someone else and make her feel like she’s made a difference is a kind of gift in itself. So maybe the phrase should be changed to “Receive well is to give well.” That would fit in a fortune cookie.
