Making Space: Guidelines for Respecting Personal Space
by Laurie Wilhelm
At work, at home and in our social circles, we carry with us a sense of our own personal space that we often unconsciously protect. Respecting another’s personal space is key in maintaining good interpersonal relationships.
Probably the most readily thought-of personal space is that which physically, although invisibly, surrounds us. You’ve probably felt what it’s like to have someone “in your space” – it’s uncomfortable and you may take a step or two back to regain the physical distance you need to be comfortable again. We have different perceptions of how much space we need and someone made require more space between others than you do. Their body language will tell you if they’re comfortable with the distance or if you’re being a space invader.
Personal space also includes specific physical areas that extend beyond our invisible space. These tend to be spaces that we qualify as “mine” even if we don’t own them: “my work cubicle,” “my desk,” or “my parking space.” Be cognisant that these are spaces which we perceive as our own even if they’re the property of someone else or the company which we work for. Treat them as if they are actually owned by each individual. At work, don’t go through their desk drawers looking for a pen, don’t take their pad of sticky notes because you see they have two on their desk, and when parking your vehicle, park in the center of “your” spot so that your neighbour can easily open her car door in “her” spot. While none of these are really “theirs,” “yours,” or “mine,” there is personal entitlement to whomever they’ve been assigned and that assumed entitlement should be respected. When we don’t, we run the risk of bothering or annoying the other person and jeopardizing what could otherwise be an amicable relationship.
Another invisible personal space, or perhaps this is an invasion of personal space, is the sound that enters into it. Invading another’s personal space with your personal noise is a sure way to cause friction. Talking loudly on the cell phone, ear-splitting, cackling laughter in the otherwise quiet restaurant, or a neighbour’s blaring stereo are all types of aural assaults on personal space. Hearing unwanted noise makes what could have been a good time into one that is stressful, frustrating, and not at all enjoyable. Respect that the other people on the bus don’t want to hear your cell phone conversation. While you may be having a blast with friends over dinner, intruding on another’s evening out with boisterous laughter is obnoxious. Listening to your favourite tunes on volume 10 (11 for you Spinal Tap fans) with the bass cranked up and your windows open – well, it may be fun for you but for the five neighbours around you, not so much. Not only will you cause unnecessary upset, but you’ll also be branded as inconsiderate, unthoughtful, and selfish – and who needs that kind of reputation?
While we tend to focus on getting along with others through good social skills that revolve around what we say and how we act, there are many contributing factors that encourage good interpersonal relationships but are perhaps less conspicuous. In this case, it’s simply a matter of paying more attention to the personal space of those around us and being considerate of how our actions may be intrusive.
Laurie, really sound advice. This is something that is too often ignored in our inconsiderate society anymore.
“Another invisible personal space, or perhaps this is an invasion of personal space, is the sound that enters into it. Invading another’s personal space with your personal noise is a sure way to cause friction. Talking loudly on the cell phone, ear-splitting, cackling laughter in the otherwise quiet restaurant, or a neighbor blaring stereo are all types of aural assaults on personal space. Hearing unwanted noise makes what could have been a good time into one that is stressful, frustrating, and not at all enjoyable.”
Laurie: Hi Stephen – Thanks for visiting. I appreciate it.
I love this post. I’m a huge believer of a lot of personal space and I’m always surprised when others don’t feel (or act) the same way. You do a great job of addressing the concept of personal space in this post.
Laurie: Thanks for visiting, commenting and the compliment, PP. I appreciate it.
I still have to watch myself with how much personal space I sometimes (unconsciously) require, but as a result of my own needs, I find I’m more aware of others’. I tend to overcompensate and give people I’m near (in whatever capacity) as much space as I can.
Interesting post…
I’m curious, what prompted you to write about it?!
Laurie: Thanks for visiting and commenting, Megan. To answer your question, I was thinking about the amount of personal space I need and how I react when I don’t get enough and then it dawned on me that I’ve always been so concerned about my own space that I didn’t think so much about what others need. (Isn’t that awful?!) This also led me to think about what others may consider their space that I don’t – like the office example and “my” desk. While I wouldn’t care if someone went through my desk at work, I’ve noticed that others consider it a kind of violation and if that’s how they feel, I should respect that and not take the sticky pad off their desk. oops. (even if the pad was put back…) So that’s where the personal space thoughts originated.