Me First
by Laurie Wilhelm
Want to be around people who are friendly, helpful and respectful?
It’s easy. Be friendly, helpful and respectful first and others will follow.
I recently put this to the test when I was traveling by plane across the country.
I’m not a big fan of flying, mostly because there are so many people in so small a space. Everyone seems withdrawn, indifferent and generally grumpy.
To be honest, I wasn’t much better. I’d tried to ‘protect’ myself by staying away from everyone. I wouldn’t engage in conversation or even make eye contact. I wouldn’t be rude or anything like that, I just wasn’t openly ‘nice.’ I justified it by thinking that everyone else was the same and that’s just how it was.
During the past December holiday season when the airlines were going through turmoil because of the bad weather that resulted in canceled or rescheduled flights and large numbers of passengers were stuck for hours on end throughout airports, I thought I’d try something new: I’d put my social skills to the test and actively pay attention and be friendly to everyone who was working at the airport, at the gate, on the flight, and all the passengers.
The difference was amazing. Truly amazing. I’ve never met so many helpful and friendly people before. When I was friendly and attentive most other people responded to me the same way.
When I walked up to the ticket agent smiling and greeting them with a simple “How are you?” or “You’re doing a great job getting all these people through the line so quickly.” they responded with a smile and friendly service.
I approached one of the many security guards with questions regarding what I could take in my carryon and, even though it turned out that I had to put a couple items in my checked luggage, I thanked her for being so helpful. She lightened up and turned out to be really friendly – asking me where I was going, if I’d been there before, who I was visiting. I learned about her also: she’s fluent in five languages, worked at the airport for three years and she briefly mentioned how difficult it is to tell people that they can’t board with certain items, but it’s her job and she takes it very seriously. When I started on my way, she called after me, “Say ‘hi’ to your mom for me!”
Boarding the plane continued to be an easy and friendly experience. Getting organized in such a tight space and trying to put luggage in the overhead compartment quickly can be stressful, particularly when there’s a lineup of people behind you. So, being a tall person, I started helping a few people with their bags and when a couple people were rushing to get organized and getting flustered, I said, “Take your time – I’m not going anywhere for hours.” While they continued with what they were doing, that simple comment eased the pressure and in return, they graciously gave me big smiles and a “thanks!”
During a quiet time on the flight, one of the attendants, who I briefly acknowledged while boarding, came and sat in the vacant seat beside me and we talked about the books we’ve been reading and offered one another recommendations.
As I was walking through the aisle and stretching my legs mid-flight I came across another passenger doing the same thing. We struck up a conversation, then another passenger and one of the flight attendants joined in. We were laughing and joking around – it was a lot of fun and it just seemed to happen out of nowhere.
As we were deplaning, my new acquaintances – the friendly-fliers – and I were saying short but warm good-byes and wishing one another happy holidays.
Now, it’s not like the entire flight was one big social event and I was “on” during the whole time. Most of it was spent reading, listening to my MP3, or watching a program on the tiny screen on the seatback. But there were pockets here and there of friendly, warm exchanges between people I’ve never met before and probably won’t meet again. It made the whole flying experience really enjoyable.
I look back and wonder how many opportunities I missed because I was the one who was being distant. Everyone else had been friendly all along; it was I who wasn’t. I changed myself and I changed my experience.
Have you ever done the same thing? Have you assumed that everyone around you is unfriendly and aloof? If so, I’d recommend giving this little exercise a go. Try being the friendly, helpful person first and see how others react. You may end up being as pleasantly surprised as I was.
photo©iStockphoto.com/kickers
