Small Talk: 7 Don’ts and Do’s

©iStockphoto.com/Claude Dagenais
Being able to make small talk is a very handy social skill. While there are no concrete rules for it, there are guidelines that provide some guidance to get the conversation started and keep it rolling. Here’s a list of seven top don’ts and do’s when making small talk.

1. Don’t: Be interested only in yourself
Don’t take this the wrong way but focusing on yourself, no matter how interesting you think you are, may not be of interest to another.

Do: The key to making good small talk is to be interested in others.

2. Don’t: Talk too much
Small talk is a conversation – a verbal exchange that’s light and casual.

Do: Create a conversation that you can both contribute to. Use small talk as the first step to getting to know another person.

3. Don’t: Say Nothing
Sounds contradictory to the above point, but it’s not. If you’re silent and don’t talk at all then you’re not participating and forcing the other person to carry the conversation load. They may well leave you and go find someone who would like to contribute to a good conversation.

Do: Take responsibility for the success of the conversation and create an appropriate balance between listening and talking.

4. Don’t: Neglect asking any questions
Not asking any questions quickly snuffs small talk.

Do: Ask questions that will help you uncover what you have in common with the other person. Balance out the conversation by asking questions, listening to the responses and adding your own relevant comments.

5. Don’t: Ask too many questions
Once again, this may seem contradictory to point #4 but it’s not. Asking too many questions may make the other person feel like she’s in an interrogation and cause her to be uncomfortable.

Do: Ask some questions and give her time to respond but let her reciprocate and ask you questions so she can get to know you too.

6. Don’t: Respond with one word answers
One word answers take the conversation no where fast and often result in an uncomfortable and awkward silence.

Do: Even if you’ve been asked a “yes/no” question, take a bit of time to elaborate. Include some additional information that is relevant to the question and keep the conversation going.

7. Don’t: Look bored.
Having a facial expression that reads “I’m bored” won’t help make the conversation interesting and instantly convert it to a fascinating one.

Do: If the conversation is boring, you’re partly responsible - make the effort to create an interesting conversation.

Do you have some tips to add? It would be great to hear what you do.