Socially Charming
by Laurie Wilhelm
Yesterday, I was introduced to the most charming person that I’ve met in a long time. It’s rare to come across an individual like her. Most people are friendly and present themselves well but Louise was much more than friendly. She was…well, charming.
Looking back, I’m trying to put my finger on what it was that took her beyond the friendly arena into the charmed realm. Was it her smile? The way she looked at the people she was speaking with? Was it how she held herself? Walked? Talked? It was all those and more. She had charming down pat; it was completely second nature.
As I’ve been thinking about how she pulled this off, I’ve put together some points regarding what impressed me the most about her, although this is in no way an exhaustive list. They are a few of what I believe were her best attributes:
Well put-together
Her clothes were well chosen and fit properly, the colours suited her, and her short hair was styled in a way that you could see all of her face.
Confident
She seemed comfortable with herself and appeared as if she could handle any situation that came her way. She stood tall, even though she wasn’t tall in stature, and composed. Louise’s demeanour was professional, polished and poised yet she had no air of arrogance at all.
Articulate
Louise had a way of speaking that was eloquent, clear, fluent and sometimes humourous. It was like she was always ready with the right word at the right time on the tip of her tongue. She smiled as she spoke. It wasn’t in any way forced, but was classically subtle and welcoming and you could see her smile in her eyes as well. The tone of her voice was energetic but not boisterous, clear but not loud, and the pace at which she spoke was very calm and encouraging.
Courteous
She was interesting and interested in the people she spoke with. She listened respectfully without interrupting and looked as though whatever the other person was saying, it was the most stimulating story or opinion she had heard all day. She nodded, asked questions and took a real interest in the other person. She looked directly at the person speaking but her gaze wasn’t hard; it was warm and inviting.
Louise was polite and gracious to everyone including the fellow who wasn’t looking where he was going, bumped into her and spilled her drink as well as the wait staff who were going from group to group offering hors-d’oeuvres and filling glasses. She had true class.
And there’s more…
The list of attributes can go on and on but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if maybe Louise’s charm came from how she was able to make the people around her feel, rather than her specific character attributes (although I can’t help but think they have something to do with it).
Louise had a very “outward” approach. She interacted with people as if they were the most important people in the world and she was completely present and engaged with those she was speaking to. Everyone seemed to feel special because she expressed sincere attention on them and it appeared to make others around her comfortable and relaxed.
Not only that, but also she held herself like she too was one of the most important people in the world but not in an conceited or superior way. It was modest and you knew that she was a quality individual who valued others as well as herself.
Trying to understand what makes someone charming is difficult, probably because it’s so subtle and seems to be natural. I’m not convinced, however, that charming is reserved for some and not others. I believe it can be learned. Granted, some people are more charming “naturally” than others but this is likely based on good social upbringing and being taught skills and manners that develop into charm later in life. With thought and some effort, we can all become charming; it’s the degree to which we’re charming that can vary.
After having met and watched Louise, I think that charming is created through a combination of some good social characteristics, like in the list above, and being present and attentive to the people we’re with so they feel valued and important. There’s hope for all of us to enter into the charmed realm. If we think about what it takes to be charming and work towards and practice it, it can become a natural trait much like it is with Louise.
