Interpersonal Communication Skills: Table Talk
by Laurie Wilhelm
A few weeks ago, I attended a weekend conference for a charitable organization where I volunteer. Most of the agenda comprised of working sessions and participants were requested to sit at round tables, six per group. As I looked around the room prior to the sessions starting, I noticed that many people at the tables just sat there, waiting, with little or no interaction between one another yet when they were spoken to, they turned out to be quite friendly. What I found interesting was that while they welcomed a conversation, they didn’t seem to be able (or willing?) to start the conversation themselves.
Communication Skills to the Rescue
If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are some suggestions that may help you get everyone at the table talking and bring them together.
- Make an effort to begin a conversation. We tend to overlook the fact that making conversation, or small talk, takes work – it’s not difficult work, but conversations don’t “just happen” without someone to start them and, in some cases, keep them going. A deliberate effort is the first step.
- Introduce yourself to everyone and then to anyone who comes to join the table. Feel free to say a relevant sentence or two about yourself, such as “Hi. My name is Tom Hadley. I’m the Director of Fundraising and am here representing the Kingsway Regional Office.”
- Select the person sitting the farthest away from you to begin a conversation with. Often, we stick to individuals sitting right beside us but when we do this, the conversation is more likely to be restricted to include only you and the other person. When you speak to a person sitting across from you, it sets the tone for a group conversation and it’s easier to get the attention of the others and get them to participate.
- Make eye contact with everyone at the table when you’re speak and continue to do this throughout the conversation. This acknowledgement lets them know that they’re part of the discussion and may encourage them to contribute to it.
- It’s fine to ask a similar question to another person at the table, providing it’s general and relevant to them as well. For example, if your question was “How did you enjoy the Awards Ceremony last evening?” after the response, you could turn to another person at the table and ask, “What did you think of it? Did you have a good time?” Because the question is one that anyone at the table would have an opinion and could answer, it can easily become a conversation that involves the entire table.
- There may be times when you find yourself at a table that is surrounded by very shy or quiet people…or people who don’t have the social skills to keep a conversation going. If this is the case, you may end up informally taking on the role of “table moderator.” While you don’t have to force a lively and loud conversation on others, low-key amicable chat in these situations is usually welcome.
- Just one more thing: if there’s a pitcher of water on the table, offer to pour a glass for everyone else as you pour your own. It helps to break the ice and you can begin conversations while you’re handing someone their glass.
Having solid social skills is very useful when starting a conversation in this type of situation. It contributes to building rapport and is especially helpful if you’ll be working or brainstorming as a group.
photo©iStockphoto.com/Andrew Johnson
