I’m also careful to not make others feel bad for not accepting an invite from me. In fact, I support their decision because I know how important it is to not overload yourself.

Laurie: I’ve got to get that book! Thanks for mentioning it, Sami. Good for you for your consideration when others say no; I’m sure they appreciate your understanding – that’s what friends do.

Laurie: “Sometimes it’s that “no” that makes us work harder and better to get what we want.” Good observation – and one that makes us improve and not take a defeatist position. Thanks for coming by again, Dani.

Laurie: I agree with you that there are times when excuses make it easier to hear no (I like your descriptor – “social lubricants”). For me, when it becomes a constant concern (and sometimes stress) for the giver to say one or else they feel obliged to go or do something they don’t want to, that’s when it’s an issue that needs to be dealt with (by just not making excuses anymore). Also, for me, “I would love to go the movies with you, but I’ve just been so busy lately that I’d rather spend some time alone,” is a reason, not an excuse. What I find unfortunate here is that the reason is one that someone can take offense to (perhaps because of their own insecurity or other personal issue) so the giver makes up an excuse to cover for what they may consider a weak reason, even if it is valid and should be respected. I get what you mean about the pesky person…that can have ugly outcome written all over it.

Thanks for visiting, Vi, and for your thoughtful input.

Laurie: “Excuse rolodex” – good description! It took me a while to stop making excuses; in the end, it was the stress of having to give excuses that made me stop. Thanks for sharing your experience, Megan, and for stopping by.