Interpersonal Skills: The Simple Act of Noticing
This is a March 2007 clip from TED featuring noted psychologist and award-winning author of Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, who offers his insights into compassion.
The clip is 13 minutes long and worth watching but if that sounds too long to you, here’s a veeeeerrry brief summary:
Although we as humans are predisposed to helping others, Goleman asks why is it that sometimes we help others and sometimes we don’t. His response is if we’re in a hurry or late for an appointment, we’re probably so absorbed in and preoccupied with what it is that we’re doing (interested only in ourselves) that we neglect to help someone needing a hand.
He then goes on to discuss what makes a good leader and suggests that a significant contributing characteristic is the individual’s ability to exhibit empathy. When a leader can relate to others and take into consideration their moods, she is likely to be more effective in communicating with and motivating others.
Goleman also gives some valuable dating advice: focus on the person you’re on a date with. He recounts a simple dating test of Alice Charney Epstein: how long it took her date to ask her a question with the word ‘you’ in it. It was a way to determine whether her date was interested only in himself or interested in getting to know her.
According to Goleman’s research, keys to compassion are focusing less on ourselves and more on those around us. (Of course, I’d call that “having good social skills.” 
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Reminds me of a great quote from Dalai Lama – If you want others to be happy, practice compassion; if you want to be happy, practice compassion
It is a great quote, Avani – and one I won’t forget!
Thanks for sharing this video!
Human beings are, by nature, “deletion creatures”. There is *so much* information constantly coming at us, that we would be paralyzed with inaction if we were consciously aware of everything that our five senses take in at a given moment. Therefore, we “delete” anything that doesn’t fit in with our consciously selected objectives. Otherwise walking down a busy city street at lunchtime would cause our brains to simply overload from trying to process all of the sights, sounds, smells, sensations and (where applicable) tastes.
I found Goleman’s story about the Good Samaritan very telling. It really depends on your focus at the time. The trick is to realize that we have full control over what we choose to be focused on at any given moment. (i.e.: your BlackBerry or the person with whom you are having lunch)
To close, I can’t resist linking to this fascinating video about an experiment in perception, focus and awareness!
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WOW – Fantastic video, Patrick! Thank you so much for including it. And no, I wasn’t ‘aware’…
PS. I hope you don’t mind, but I embedded the video instead of using the link.