Interpersonal Skills: The Simple Act of Noticing
This is a March 2007 clip from TED featuring noted psychologist and award-winning author of Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, who offers his insights into compassion.
The clip is 13 minutes long and worth watching but if that sounds too long to you, here’s a veeeeerrry brief summary:
Although we as humans are predisposed to helping others, Goleman asks why is it that sometimes we help others and sometimes we don’t. His response is if we’re in a hurry or late for an appointment, we’re probably so absorbed in and preoccupied with what it is that we’re doing (interested only in ourselves) that we neglect to help someone needing a hand.
He then goes on to discuss what makes a good leader and suggests that a significant contributing characteristic is the individual’s ability to exhibit empathy. When a leader can relate to others and take into consideration their moods, she is likely to be more effective in communicating with and motivating others.
Goleman also gives some valuable dating advice: focus on the person you’re on a date with. He recounts a simple dating test of Alice Charney Epstein: how long it took her date to ask her a question with the word ‘you’ in it. It was a way to determine whether her date was interested only in himself or interested in getting to know her.
According to Goleman’s research, keys to compassion are focusing less on ourselves and more on those around us. (Of course, I’d call that “having good social skills.” 
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