The Unsung Social Skill
by Laurie Wilhelm
Have you ever gone to a dinner party, BBQ, or a networking event where you didn’t really know anyone? Have you been the “new guy” at work and you went with the rest of your department to the surprise birthday party for someone you hadn’t even met yet? Sure, you kind of know some of the people there and perhaps you know a couple of them pretty well, but they’re busy mixing with other people. Basically, the people you don’t know far outnumber the people you do.
You could stand there and look around the room pretending that you’re looking for someone “who was supposed to meet you there” when you’re actually trying not to look like you don’t know anyone. Or you could go up to the bar and get a drink so you’ll have something in your hands instead of wondering what to do with them. Or you could head for the washroom and hide for a while.
Let’s face it – you feel awkward and uncomfortable because you’re standing alone feeling that everyone is looking at you: the person who doesn’t know anyone. Wouldn’t it be a relief if someone came over to you, introduced himself then took you around and introduced you to other people? Wouldn’t it feel good if someone saw you standing there and invited you into their conversation?
A Different Kind of Social Skill
Good social skills don’t just include being able to go up to a group of strangers and introduce yourself – they also include being aware of those around you and recognizing that others may need a hand meeting people.
This is particularly important when someone is entering an already established group for the first time – like a club or a group that meets regularly. The newcomer probably doesn’t know the protocol, where to register, sit, or what. If you’re already a member, it should be easy for you to greet her, introduce her to others and give her some information on the meeting, agenda, format – or just welcome her and get to know her.
One of the benefits to you for taking the initiative to include the new person is that by doing so, you’re making a great first impression. In her view, you’re the one person who, out of all those other people, did something for her without having been asked. It was you who took the time and made the effort to make her feel welcome and included. Just doing this simple action demonstrates your confidence, friendliness, and really good social skills.
Relieving someone from the uncomfortable position of standing by himself by involving him in the group is a very appreciated gesture and one not soon forgotten. This little known yet valuable social skills will make you stand out from the crowd.
