You’re Boring

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Nobody likes to think they’re boring, yet it’s easy to get wrapped up talking about things that you find interesting but that other people don’t find as exciting. When speaking, discretely check in with the other person or the group to make sure they’re not bored and want to get away as soon as it’s politely possible. Being aware of how others are responding by their interaction and body language is a really important social skill.

Here are five things to look for that can tell you if you’re boring the daylights out of someone:

1. The other person isn’t responsive. No, you haven’t bored them to death (yet) but they are no longer asking you questions nor giving you verbal or physical cues to continue speaking.
2. The conversation has become a monologue. What was an exchange of ideas is now just your going on and on and the other person has stopped contributing to the discussion.
3. You ask the other person a question (like “What do you think about what I’m saying?”) and they have no response other than “That’s nice.” They probably stopped listening to you fifteen minutes ago.
4. No one else has spoken for a very long time. Chances are that everyone is silent because you’re not. Conversations include other people and if no one else has said anything for a while, it’s time for you to take a break.
5. The other person looks tired. Listening takes effort and if you’re talking incessantly you’ll wear her out. Really – enough is enough.

Generally, when talking to someone else, make sure they share the same interest or, at least, make sure that they want to know more. Being able to create and contribute to an interesting conversation is a valuable social skill. It makes people like you and want to be with you. Boring them makes them want to leave.

Don’t mistake someone paying polite attention to you for having interest in what you’re saying. They’re likely just “being nice” and hoping someone calls their cellphone with an “emergency” so they can excuse themselves. Keep the conversation a dialogue and the discussion open so everyone can participate.

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