Interpersonal Skills: You’re Amazing
by Laurie Wilhelm
I’ve been trying out a new way to approach everybody, from my friends and acquaintances to people I don’t know like cashiers, wait staff, and receptionists. I’m assuming from the get-go that everyone is amazing. That’s the starting point: amazing. With everyone I meet, I’ve been presuming the best in them – that they’re essentially good, honest people who mean well.
This was inspired by the video, Validation. Now, I’m not overtly gushing over people like the guy in the video did. Instead, in my mind I’m thinking, “You’re amazing. You’re an amazing person and I’m going to treat you the way all amazing people should be treated. I’m not going to wait for you to treat me that way, I’m going to do it first because you’re amazing.”
It may sound silly, but I really think I’m treating people better because I’ve changed my approach to them. They’re no longer non-descript, ordinary, average people. They’re amazing individuals with different opinions, perceptions, backgrounds, and interests. Just to clarify a bit here – it’s not that I have to agree with what everyone’s doing, thinking or acting, but it does encourage me to give others the benefit of the doubt and not judge.
It seems to me that we’re often waiting for someone else to treat us like we’re amazing. It’s as if we first need recognition, acknowledgement, and acceptance before we’re willing to give it; it’s too emotionally risky to take the initial step in case it’s not reciprocated.
Why does it have to be? Why do we need someone to say they feel the same way before we put ourselves ‘out there’?
This reminds me of the comedy skit where one person says, “I love you.” and the other person says, “Thank you.” Well, I understand the potential feelings of vulnerability, rejection and embarrassment. The pressure we put on ourselves and others with our unsaid emotional demands can be pretty stressful.
What if we can choose to say, “I love you” or “I think you’re amazing” and not have any expectation or requirement that it be returned? Is it possible to do that? I guess both people would have to be comfortable with either not needing it said back or not feeling obligated to say it back. Maybe that’s asking for too much.
In any case, I’m going to continue thinking everyone is amazing because it’s working for me right now. And I have to admit, it feels pretty good to be around so many incredible people all the time.
Laurie, amazing post and amazing suggestion! I’m going to try this too.
Laurie: It’s made a difference for me. However, sometimes I find it difficult to remember to do it! Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Daphne; I appreciate it.